Using the Literacy Hour to develop writing skills

It is getting dark. The moon can be seen. There is a church in the village. A man is working in a shed. In the house a light is on. There are some wheels leaning against the walls of the stable.

After reading the text, the children quickly conclude that it is not a good piece of writing and I ask them why? Their initial responses may mirror what they have done recently in the literacy hour, suggesting that it is lacking in adjectives, adverbs or connectives. Other more pertinent comments will soon follow, such as;

“It doesn’t tell us anything about the shape or colour of the moon”.
“We don’t know anything about the church!”
“What work is the man doing?
“In which room is the light on?”

Eventually, someone will say, “I can’t picture in my mind what is happening!”
or even,“It doesn’t say anything about movement or sound!”
I wait for someone to announce, “It is boring!” and I say, “Yes, of course it is! Now let’s think about why it is boring.”

The children read this second text, having first been asked in what ways is it an improvement on the first.

Darkness seemed to fall without warning on the sleeping village, turning day suddenly to night. Half veiled by wisps of floating steel grey cloud, the moon at its fullest, gives just the merest hint of a smile. The ancient sandstone church of St. Stephen can be seen standing coldly and rigidly in the distance, unaffected by the passing centuries. Seeming almost as old and not touched by time’s fingers, the farmer works late, completing the last tasks at the day’s end, his dark weathered hands scraping furiously. An upstairs light appears suddenly, piercing the winter dark and the sense of warmth, which glows from within, combats the chill outside. Rusty rimmed wooden wheels from long disused carts, lean forgotten with broken spokes against the stable wall, nettles now reaching through them.

Simplified version

Darkness seemed to fall without warning on the sleeping village, turning day suddenly to night. Half hidden by wisps of floating grey clouds, the full moon seems to give a little smile. The ancient sandstone church of St. Stephen can be seen standing coldly in the distance, unchanged by the passing centuries. Seeming almost as old, the farmer works late, completing the last tasks at the day’s end, with his dark, rough hands scraping busily, while his wife noisily clatters the pots and pans into the kitchen sink. An upstairs light appears suddenly, shining through the winter dark and the warmth, which glows from inside, fight against the chill air outside. Rusty rimmed wooden wheels from long disused carts, lean forgotten with broken spokes against the stable wall, with green nettles now reaching through them.

Again, children need a short time for concentrated discussion, focused on what makes this a better description of the setting. The two texts can be re-read, side by side, contrasting the cold simplicity and short sentences of the first, with the expanded sentences full of imagery in the second. The language can be analysed, with questions raised about words such as combats, piercing, weathered, veiled, rigidly.

The teacher also can ask questions such as:

“What three things do we now know about the church?”
“How do we know the wheels are very old?”
“In what ways does the writer compare the church with farmer?”

This piece is ideal for children to write on the text the abbreviations, M, C, S, L/D, W/C, and to talk about where they found evidence of Movement, Colour, Sound, Light or Dark, Warmth or Cold. Children can also suggest which of the abbreviations they have not written many of and whether the writer could have mentioned more about movement or sound, for example.

Modelled Writing

Using modelled writing, is an important strategy in developing children’s written language, as well as providing an opportunity to pull apart a writer’s work, almost phrase by phrase.

The following two texts models for children ways of describing a person’s physical features and the clothes they are wearing in the context of what they are doing their surroundings and how others react to them, rather than writing a list. If the person is outdoors, the writer has an opportunity to include weather conditions and the sky in their descriptions

It is also ideal for children to write on the text the abbreviations, M, C, S, L/D, W/C, and to talk about where they found evidence of Movement, Colour, Sound, Light or Dark, Warmth or Cold. Children can also suggest which of the abbreviations they have not written many of and whether the writer could have mentioned more about movement or sound, for example.

She was in her twenties and had red hair. It was springtime. She liked to wear jewellery and high-heeled shoes. Everyday she travelled to work on the bus. She was quite tall and quite slim.

The opening sentence gives no picture of the woman. The second is merely a statement that contains no features of springtime. The third gives no clues to the type of jewellery or style or colour of her shoes. The last two sentences are vague statements and we are left with just a blurred image of the woman.
After reading the text, the children quickly conclude that it is not a good piece of writing .

“It doesn’t tell us anything about the style of her hair”.
“We don’t know anything about the weather that day!”
“What kind of jewellery did she like to wear?

Eventually, someone will say, “I can’t picture the woman in my mind."
or even,“It doesn’t say anything about movement or sound!”

The children read this second text, having first been asked to consider in what ways is it an improvement on the first.

Slamming the front door angrily, she hurriedly walked to the roadside, with her high heels clicking rhythmically on the footpath. Pausing only to push her wind swept red hair from her face, she increased her pace on reaching the early morning traffic and calmly crossed. The June sunlight sparkled on the diamond ring she wears on the third long finger of her right hand, a treasured present from a teenage birthday which past some years ago. She glanced suddenly at the over-large watch, which rotated around her thin wrist and her blue eyes flashed an angry glare in the direction of the expected bus. An elderly neighbour commented light-heartedly about the motif on her tight T-Shirt, but her voice was surprisingly soft in response. No offence was taken. Her smile emerged. Thoughts moved to the day ahead.

Again, the two can be read and compared side by side and children can consider why the second gives a clearer picture of the woman’s appearance and her character. Teacher questions could be along the lines of the following:

1. What do we know about the weather conditions?
2. How does the woman’s mood change in the passage?
3. What do we know about her physical appearance?
4. Which do you think is the best descriptive sentence? Why did you choose it?
5. Which sentence effectively gives several pieces of information?

After the sharing of these modelled writings I gave the children the following words: woman, night, bingo, jewellery, friends, hair, Bingo, and asked them to write a short piece, creating a clear picture in words of the person, where they were and what they were doing.

Without making a sound, the elderly woman shut the gate behind her. She began her journey to Bingo, slowly but crookedly, down the street. Light shone from the lamp posts, reflecting on to her oval shaped peach glasses. At the corner she met up with two other oldish ladies. Iris Walker’s voice was so soft and tender as she chatted away to her friends. When she walked down the street, her permed hair danced in the wind, swaying from side to side like a Mexican wave. Small looped earrings sparkled like her diamond blue eyes. Her rosy wrinkly skin blushed and her smooth pink lips shone in the moon’s light. On reaching the door, she clenched her weak fist around the handle and made an entrance to the Bingo hall.

Written by Laura Nithsdale and Lauren Boyce Y6, Tranmoor Primary School.


The next step is for the children to invent a character of their own and write a short scenario about this person. This is a very open task and requires good teacher questioning and reference to texts on characters, which have been shared previously.

In the warm changing rooms of the Gloria Carter School of Dance, girls of all ages were sitting talking to each other and practicing complicated dance routines. In the corner there was a beautiful slim girl called Annie. With a green comb, she was brushing her long, golden hair into a ponytail, using a silver scrunchie. She stood up, looked around and shook her royal blue skirt, then sprang across the room, heading for the door. Her green eyes gave a sudden twinkle as the light caught them. Clutching the bronze door knob, she vanished into the corridor. The early morning March sun shone through the window, as two girls began to talk to Annie. She then did the most splendid dance movements across the slippy wooden floor, followed by a curtsy. In strolled Miss Carter to call the Saturday morning register.

“Annie!” she called in a loud clear voice.

Hurriedly, Annie fished up an envelope and gave it to Miss Carter. Returning to her seat, she began to fasten her loose ballet shoes.

“Okay everyone! I want you ready in three minutes!” she called, as she escaped the noise of the girls.

They all ran into the studio to dance. Everyone except Annie.

Laura Y6, Tranmoor Primary School


The Man At The Bus Stop

Another strategy I use in developing children’s ability to clearly describe a character, is the ‘The Man At The Bus Stop’ approach. I tell the children they are going to write about a man at a bus stop and I even write the title on the board. They look at me and each other a little confused. Which man? Which bus stop?

As a great advocate of either writing from first hand experience or using some form of sensory stimulus, this may sound as if I am adopting the approach of the person who devised the test where eleven year olds plan and write a story from start to finish in sixty minutes, with no stimulus apart from a choice of titles. What I am doing is contriving a situation where children have literally a blank sheet of paper on which to paint a picture in words about a man at a bus stop. The only stimulus is the teacher, raising questions that will plant seeds of ideas in their minds; plus two pieces of modelled writing.

The Man At The Bus Stop

He was tall with short dark hair. He wore big boots and a short jacket.
He had a large bag. He was going to visit his parents.
He was not married now. He had one sister.
He used to be good at football. He hasn’t got a car now.

It is clearly a dull piece of writing, repetitive, lacking any descriptions that will paint pictures in words and the sentences are poorly formed. We can ask which statements in the text do we really need to know, introducing the words relevant and irrelevant. The children will soon suggest that at least 50% of the statements are not relevant in describing one particular man at one particular bus stop.

I present the second text in two sections, the first one ending where tension has built up and a feeling of mystery.

The afternoon was closing down. The night was closing in. From deep inside the shadows, a barely visible figure slouched against the bus shelter. Tall, but slightly stooped, hands thrust deep inside the pockets of his zipped jacket. For the fourth time, he flicked at a rolling plastic pop bottle with a scruffy brown boot which was laced well above his ankle. His hard eyes flashed from road to sky, searching, waiting, expecting. Unexpectedly and with sudden violence, a fit of coughing gripped him. He wrapped his arms to his chest and struggled for breath, wiping the back of his hands across his lips. A vivid silver scar stood out on his shaven head, which had flecks of grey among the dark stubble. He unclenched his right fist and stared down at the crumpled paper, which might have been an address or perhaps a letter.

So what do we know about the man? What are your feelings about him?
What is he searching for? Could he be expecting something else than just a bus? Can we tell anything about his mood? Is there something significant about what is written on the crumpled piece of paper? What does it mean if he is barely visible? What is dark stubble? What does it mean if the silver scar is vivid?

This piece models for children, a way of describing a person’s physical features and the clothes they are wearing in the context of what they are doing and their surroundings, rather than writing a list.
It is also ideal for children to write on the text the abbreviations, M, C, S, L/D, W/C, and to talk about where they found evidence of Movement, Colour, Sound, Light or Dark, Warmth or Cold. Children can also suggest which of the abbreviations they have not written many of and whether the writer could have mentioned more about movement or sound, for example.


Before reading the second part of the text, give the children the following question to focus on: How do other people react to the man?

His fingers closed violently once more until his knuckles whitened. Two children, passing by after a day at school, were careful not to stare and avoided the hunted, haunted expression which his eyes carried. An old woman with her shopping trolley glanced briefly and wondered, before hurrying on. He waited, now motionless, a threatening figure, but also a one of weakness. A figure of strength, but also a figure of weakness. After what seemed like a lifetime, there came the powerful roar of a bus engine and he returned suddenly to life. With surprising strength and energy, he heaved the huge bag which lay at his feet, across his shoulders and struggled to the roadside. Yes, he was limping badly.

What could be the reason for his limp? In what ways is he a threatening figure and a figure of weakness?

We can ask the children to underline their favourite phrase or sentence and explain to a partner why they chose it.

Following the sharing of these texts, I have asked children to write about a man at a bus stop, stipulating that he must not have a cough or a limp or a shaved head! I stress that we are focusing on a very short time span, so we are not writing about what happened to him before he reached the bus stop or what happened during or after his bus journey. I tell them I only want them to write about a man and a bus stop, almost as if they are watching a five minute video film of him. Sometimes, in order to avoid any similarity with the modelled writing, I may change the title to ‘The Woman At The Bus Stop’, ‘The Girl On The Street Corner’, or some other variation, but with the same emphasis on character and setting. This strategy can be linked with a period in history which the class may be studying, for example with title being ‘The Little Boy At The Railway Station’ or ‘The Soldier At The Roadside’.

Again, the teacher's questioning skills play an important part in planting seeds of ideas. The texts about The Man At The Bus Stop focus on the man himself. Below are examples of questions that will help children paint pictures in words of their chosen setting.

Is it a daytime scene?
If so, what does the sky look like?
Could there be any movement in the sky?

Is it a night time scene?
If so, can the moon and stars be seen or are they hidden by clouds?
If the moon can be seen, describe its shape and colour.
Can light be seen coming from anywhere?

What are the immediate surroundings to the bus stop like?
Is it a town scene or a countryside setting?

How much movement is there near the bus stop?
What is moving?
If nothing is moving, describe the stillness.
What sounds can be heard?
If there are no sounds, describe the silence.

Is there any sign of wildlife near the bus stop?
Is anything growing?
Are there any clues to the time of the year?

What are the weather conditions like?
How do they effect the surroundings?
Are the person's clothes linked to the weather conditions or the time of year?

What about the bus stop itself?
What about the road where the bus stop stands?

The work of respected professional writers is a rich resource for character writing. The texts to which we expose children is often down to our personal preferences, but the important factor is the enthusiasm we shown for the chosen text. Without this, enthusiasm will not transmit to the children. Children can re-tell a story in their own words, review and analyse a book the class have read or a story film they have watched. A scene from a story which focuses on a particular character can be re-told, with detailed description of setting character and empathy.